Husband Arms

Anna is working on some project for school and wanted a little story or blurb from her siblings about our relationships with our spouses. From me, she wanted something about Husband Arms, something I told her and several others about in the past. So, for those of you who ever wondered how Husband Arms came to pass, here is the story. I wrote this in my journal (something which I only had for a couple of years of my life) while I was finishing up my last semester of engineering school and I had just met Matt in December of 1996. Here it is in all it's mushy entirety:

"Sunday, April 6, 1997 (Milwaukee,WI):

Mathew and I had a lovely phone conversation this weekend. He is part of me now and I just can't put into words this feeling that I always have. I try, but it isn't something that needs explaining. It's just so good. So perfect. God really went all out for me. I wonder why? I know that my job is to be thankful by making the very best life for us and our family, and by showing the world that so much love is possible. I have to remember to share my joy and fortunes with everyone in order to show my gratitude. I will do my best.

I'm going home for real and true on May 24th. It hasn't really sunk in but it will. I'm going home. To my home, where God called me to be and live and love. I know it is where I belong because it is more than I've ever dreamed of.

The first day Matt and I were together I knew. Anybody in this world could argue that it was too soon to know he was "the one", but I don't care because I know how I felt that day. When he was holding me in his arms, his beautiful, perfect arms, that's when I thought it. It was so simple, maybe odd, perhaps even weird. It was nothing like I've ever felt before simply because it was such a strange way to think something. It just hit me, or I heard it in my head..or something..."That is my husband's arm." I know it sounds silly out loud, but I still hear it in my head as clear and as strange and comforting and weird-but-not-weird as I did on that day. "That is the arm of your husband, Katrina, the arm of the man who you will call your husband." After I "heard" it or felt it or whatever, I wasn't freaked out, but I wasn't all "gung ho" to go out and get married either--not that I wouldn't have, it's just that it made me feel a calm sense of life. It gave me comfort, but not becuase I needed it. I wasn't looking for a husband by any means, or a boyfriend, or anything. I just wanted to be me. And I am. And I plan on giving myself to him one day. I know now that it is the arm of the man who will hold me, carry me when I cannot walk, support me when I cannot stand, be there for me to catch my tears-- and my smiles. That arm will work and sweat hundreds of hours in the sun and rain and wind and snow. It will be my blanket, my pillow, and my hug. That arm on that man is the arm of my strength, my life and my love.

I realize now that what I realized then wasn't about us going off and getting married the next day, it was about how I would feel about him. It was about how I, for the first time in my life, would be willing to share my life with only one perfect, gentle, loving, giving, beautiful, sweet man. So my feeling was right. And one day we will. And I will be so proud to be his wife. And I will be so, so happy forever. My heart has already made up my mind."

Well, there you have it. My "husband arms" story. I think that 8+ years later it is still the same. I still look at him the same way. I still feel so unbelievably blessed. I still question why I was given this gift, this beautiful life. I still love those husband arms, they have turned out to be even better than I had hoped...holding Gabby for the first time after she was born...building us all sorts of things like a deck, patio, basement...playing golf with me...making bottles for the twins...holding my hand and brushing my hair off my forehead while I was having all these babies...pushing Gabby around in the laundry basket...letting me jump up into them...those arms sure have come in handy.